Embarrassment

I'm going to write this now before I lose the urge to. I want to talk about embarrassment. I fucking hate it. For some reason, I view it mentally and emotionally as the worst kind of failure. Like all embarrassing moments, you don't notice it like while it happens, but afterwards when it dawns on me, I RAGE SO FUCKING HARD. It's ridiculous lol. But god damn I RAGE. Then the embarrassment gets stored in my memory. But here's the thing, it's not just a normal memory, it's so vivid and intense that I'm surprised myself. When I think back on embarrassing things, I just want to cringe into a fetal position and rip my brains out. It's that bad. ARGGGH I feel a little of it even when writing about it. But thankfully my brain has developed a buffer system for such things. It's like my brain can access the pointer, and then it stops itself from accessing the memory. But in the case it does... bad things happen.

Now am I posting this? I dunno. I brought it up with Anton on the trip back from Arlington while biking. Some stupid shit happened. Ask me in person if you want to know (it's anticlimactic and silly, but because it's embarrassing it's very vivid).

P.S.
roads NOT to bike on when dark: Route 16 and Fellsway West around Melrose/Stoneham
both these routes are somewhat hilly, have little or no lighting, and little or no streetwalk/bike path
things to bring on a bike trip: band aids and wallet in addition to cellphone and keys
things to buy: a bike light/blinker
ALWAYS bike with a buddy on roads you're not familiar and comfortable on. ALWAYS.